Today I was depressed. I have no idea why. Nothing in particular happened to cause it. I just felt it. Do you ever feel that way? I moped around all day feeling sorry for myself and also feeling angry at myself for feeling that way when I have no rational reason to feel that way. But I still couldn't shake it.
I had to go to the dentist in Park City today (not Sundance...the dentist...sigh). Driving back on 80 west from Park City to Salt Lake I had a crazy thought that maybe I should just keep on driving to west. Not tell anyone. Not answer any calls. Just drive and drive. With nothing but what was in my purse. Stay in a hotel. Buy whatever I need. Drive. How wacky would that be? It would sure freak out my husband.
I was just in that kind of depressed, freaky mood. But I did not do that. Instead I came home, moped around some more and then forced myself to go the gym because I know that working out always makes me feel better, and I also know that I will generally feel better if I can get back in shape and lose these 10 pounds I've put on since the wedding. At the gym I felt...depressed. But I worked out. And eventually I started to feel a little better. And then I was watching the news on the tv screen at the gym and a story came on about Gabrielle Giffords (who I went to graduate school with in a small department yet still cannot remember her) and how she has entered rehab, and then the story talked about how far we've come with rehabilitation over the past few years, primarily due to all the injured soldiers coming out of Afghanistan and Iraq. And there they were. Boys. 18, 19, 20, 21 years old. On crutches, in the hospital, struggling to walk again and move their arms and their hands and have a normal life. And it was like someone slapped me hard across the face right there in the gym. What the hell do I have to complain about? What do I have to be depressed about? I was being absolutely ridiculous. And I stopped. I regained my sense of self and stopped feeling that way. Sometimes we just need a kick in the pants to change our attitudes.
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